Hey, now that's serious
It's pretty bad when a story out of The Onion is not simply parodying reality, but actually covering it. See, unlike, say, the story(ies) about Starbucks' multi-tiered plans for world domination (featuring images of armored combat vehicles emblazoned with the coffee empire's insignia), the fact is Barry Bonds appears a virtual angel (small 'A'--not to upset any SF or Anaheim fans) compared to the rest of the Sports news makers.
Not that he isn't just as bad as the rest of 'em. Barry's (alleged) use of banned performancing-enhancing substances is just as damaging to society as gambling, dog-fighting/murdering, or attempting/committing murder/suicide; the effects are just not as immediately apparent. It's a much longer story arc when you start with ambitious Little Leaguers who look-up-to/aspire-to-be [better than] Barry Bonds; who are witnesses to the glorification and tacit acceptance of his [allegedly substance-enhanced performance; who are driven by rabidly fanatical supporters; who figure, "If Barry got away with it, so can I!"
Next thing you know, you're hearing about a college baseball star who, in the throes of a full-on 'roid-rage, practiced his homerun swing on his girlfriend (for not supporting him enough) and his parents (for pushing him too hard), before sticking his face in the business end of a pitching machine full of rocks.
Still, the fact remains that Barry has not killed anyone (or any animal); and no matter how dubious his achievements, any suspicion will be over-shadowed by the gamblers, dog-killers, and murderers.